🏳️⚧️ Vocab & Comprehensive Language Guide to Gender
Why Does Language Matter?
Language shapes culture, community, and connection. It’s how we express who we are — and how we acknowledge the identities of others. For trans and gender-diverse people, language isn’t just a set of words; it’s an affirmation of existence.
When we use the right names, pronouns, and terminology, we’re doing something powerful: we’re showing respect, care, and recognition. Studies show that when a trans person’s name and pronouns are respected, it dramatically reduces their risk of depression and suicide. Words literally save lives.
So when someone asks you to use a new name or pronouns, remember — it’s not about grammar or confusion. It’s about kindness and truth.
Language Changes — and That’s a Good Thing
Language isn’t static — it grows as we do. Gender language, in particular, evolves as society learns to better describe experiences that have always existed but haven’t always been given words.
Terms that were once seen as radical are now mainstream, and terms we use today may shift again in the future. This is progress, not confusion. Change means more people are finding words that fit them, and that’s something worth celebrating.
It’s okay if you don’t know every word yet — none of us were born knowing them! The key is to listen, stay open, and understand that learning is a lifelong process.
Do I Need to Understand It All at Once?
Nope! You don’t have to memorize a dictionary overnight. What matters most is your willingness to learn and adapt.
If you don’t understand a term, don’t panic — ask respectfully or look it up. For example: “Hey, I’ve heard the term ‘genderfluid’ — can you tell me what that means for you?” Simple curiosity paired with respect builds trust and understanding. Not everyone wants to be a walking dictionary, so make sure you know the person well enough before you ask.
It’s okay to make mistakes. What matters is how you handle them: apologize, correct yourself, and move on without making it about you.
💡 A Quick Note on Asking Questions
Not everyone wants to be — or should have to be — a walking dictionary. While curiosity is great, it’s important to remember that trans and gender-diverse people aren’t responsible for educating everyone they meet.
Before you ask someone personal questions about their identity, transition, or body, pause and ask yourself:
“Do I know this person well enough for this conversation?”
“Could I find the answer on my own instead?”
Making it someone’s responsibility to explain everything can feel exhausting or even invasive, especially when they’re asked to justify who they are over and over again. That emotional labor can add up quickly — and often, the answers are already out there.
Luckily, Google and the internet are your best friends. There are countless resources, articles, and educational videos created specifically to help people learn about gender, transition, and inclusive language, hence why we are making this article! Taking a few minutes to look something up shows respect and initiative — and it helps make your trans friends feel valued rather than studied.
If you do have a trusted relationship with someone and they’re open to sharing, that’s wonderful! Just be mindful, kind, and thankful for the time and energy they give.
In short: your curiosity is valid — but their comfort matters more.
💬 Important Vocabulary to Understand
Below is a growing collection of words and phrases that help describe the beautiful range of gender identities, expressions, and experiences in our world today.
Foundational Terms
Transgender (or Trans):
An umbrella term for people whose gender identity is different from the sex they were assigned at birth.
Cisgender (or Cis):
Someone whose gender identity matches the sex they were assigned at birth. (Example: someone assigned female at birth who identifies as a woman.)
Gender Identity:
A person’s deeply felt internal sense of being male, female, both, neither, or somewhere in between.
Gender Expression:
How a person shows their gender to the world through clothing, hairstyle, mannerisms, voice, or other outward traits.
Sex Assigned at Birth:
The label (male, female, intersex) given to a person at birth based on anatomy. This label does not determine someone’s gender identity.
Intersex:
A term for people born with a mix of biological traits (chromosomes, hormones, or anatomy) that don’t fit the typical definitions of male or female. Intersex variations are natural and occur in about 1 in 60 people.
Nonbinary:
A gender identity that doesn’t fit strictly into “male” or “female.” Nonbinary people may identify as both, neither, or something entirely different.
Genderfluid:
Someone whose gender identity shifts or changes over time.
Genderqueer:
A broad identity that challenges traditional gender norms. Some people use this term instead of “nonbinary,” while others see them as distinct.
Two-Spirit (2S):
A culturally specific term used by some Indigenous people to describe a sacred gender role that embodies both masculine and feminine spirits. This term is not interchangeable with “nonbinary” or “LGBTQ+” and should only be used by Indigenous people.
🌈 Understanding Sex, Gender, and Expression
These terms are often mixed up — sometimes even by people who mean well! Here’s a simple breakdown to keep them straight:
Sex → What you were assigned at birth (usually male, female, or intersex) based on physical traits. It’s about the body, not who you are.
Gender → A social and cultural concept — what society says “men” or “women” should act like, dress like, or look like. This can change over time and between cultures.
Gender Identity → Who you know yourself to be inside — man, woman, both, neither, or something else entirely. This is deeply personal and doesn’t have to match the sex you were assigned at birth.
Gender Expression → How you show your gender to the world — through clothing, hairstyle, mannerisms, voice, or style. Expression is about how you want to be seen, not necessarily who you are inside.
These four things don’t always line up neatly — and that’s completely normal. Gender is complex, fluid, and diverse. Understanding this difference helps you communicate respectfully and avoid assumptions about anyone’s identity or body.
Transition and Identity Terms
Transition:
The process a person goes through to live as their true gender. This may include social transition (name, pronouns, clothing), medical transition (hormones, surgeries), or legal transition (name/gender marker changes). Every person’s transition is unique.
Social Transition:
Changing things like name, pronouns, or clothing to better align with one’s gender identity.
Medical Transition:
Medical steps a trans person may take, such as hormone therapy (HRT) or surgeries. Not everyone takes these steps, and they are still valid.
Legal Transition:
Changing one’s name or gender marker on legal documents.
Top Surgery:
A gender-affirming surgery to modify the chest to reflect one’s gender identity.
Bottom Surgery:
Gender-affirming surgeries that modify genitalia. There are multiple types depending on the person’s needs and goals.
Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT):
The use of estrogen, testosterone, or other hormones to help align someone’s body with their gender identity.
Binding:
Using a binder (a compression garment) to flatten the chest.
Tucking:
A method some trans feminine people use to smooth the appearance of their genital area.
Packing:
Wearing a prosthetic (packer) to create the appearance of a bulge in one’s pants, often used by trans masculine people.
Voice Training:
Practicing speech patterns, tone, and pitch to better match one’s gender expression or identity.
Community and Respect Terms
Pronouns:
Words we use to refer to someone in place of their name (she/her, he/him, they/them, xe/xem, etc.). Asking and using correct pronouns is a basic form of respect.
Deadname:
The name a trans person was given at birth but no longer uses. Avoid using this unless required for legal reasons — and never share it without permission.
Misgendering:
Referring to someone with incorrect pronouns, names, or gendered terms. Even unintentional misgendering can be painful, so correct yourself gently and move on.
Coming Out:
When someone tells others about their gender identity or sexuality. It’s deeply personal and should happen on their own timeline.
Outing Someone:
Telling others someone is trans or LGBTQ+ without their permission. This can be dangerous and is never okay.
Chosen Family:
The people who provide love, acceptance, and support — especially important for LGBTQ+ people who may not have acceptance from their biological families.
Ally:
Someone who supports and advocates for the LGBTQ+ community, even if they are not part of it themselves.
Expanded Gender Terms
Agender:
A person who identifies as having no gender or being gender-neutral.
Bigender:
Someone who identifies with two genders, either at the same time or varying between them.
Demiboy / Demigirl:
Someone who partially identifies as a boy/man or girl/woman, but not fully.
Neutrois:
An identity that is often described as gender-neutral or null.
Androgynous:
A presentation or identity that blends masculine and feminine traits.
Genderflux:
When someone’s experience of gender intensity fluctuates over time.
Transmasculine (Trans Masc):
People who were assigned female at birth and identify more closely with masculinity, whether or not they identify as men.
Transfeminine (Trans Femme):
People who were assigned male at birth and identify more closely with femininity, whether or not they identify as women.
AMAB/AFAB:
Short for “Assigned Male/Female at Birth.” These terms can be useful when discussing gender-related experiences but should never be used as someone’s identity label unless they use it for themselves. You may see another version of this, FTM/MTF, which means Female-to-Male or Male-To-Female, but these are typically considered outdated, and tend to erase other identities from the conversation.
Third Gender:
Used in some cultures to describe gender identities that don’t fit the male/female binary. (Examples include hijra in South Asia and fa’afafine in Samoa.)
Gender Dysphoria:
The distress some trans people experience when their gender identity doesn’t align with their body or how others see them. Not all trans people experience dysphoria, and it’s not required to be trans.
Gender Euphoria:
The joy and affirmation felt when one’s gender identity is respected or aligned with their presentation — the opposite of dysphoria.
🌈 Tips for Using Less Gendered Language
Language doesn’t need to rely on gender to be kind or clear. In fact, neutral or inclusive terms often make spaces safer for everyone.
💬 Addressing People
“Everyone,” “folks,” or “friends” instead of “ladies and gentlemen.”
“Hey y’all” instead of “hey guys.”
“Team,” “crew,” or “group” instead of “guys.”
🧒 Talking About Family
“Parent(s)” or “guardian(s)” instead of “mom and dad.”
“Sibling” instead of “brother” or “sister.”
“Nibling” instead of “niece” or “nephew.”
“Partner” instead of “boyfriend” or “girlfriend.”
💗 Talking About Bodies
“Chest” instead of “boobs” or “breasts.”
“Body hair,” “reproductive anatomy,” or “genitals” instead of gendered terms.
“Top surgery,” “chest health,” or “reproductive health” instead of “women’s” or “men’s health.”
Final Thoughts
Language is a living, evolving tool — one that grows as our understanding of humanity grows. You don’t have to know every word, but you can choose words that affirm and uplift.
Each time you use inclusive language, you’re saying:
“I see you. You belong here. Your identity matters.”
That’s what Trans Affirm is built on — creating spaces throughout Idaho, especially in our rural communities, where trans and gender-diverse people are heard, respected, and celebrated.
